i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
