Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize