I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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