Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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