so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
