do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
