This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
