he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
