Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
