My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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