hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
