I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
