I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
