hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
