Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
