Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no you cant smoke seaweed
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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