Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
