well you can't waste a boner
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
