i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
