Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
