We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
