at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize