Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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