Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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