I think im going to throw up on grandma
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
