girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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