I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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