fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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