Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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