i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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