Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
