More tranny stories later!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
