well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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