Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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