i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
