Jerry, you need to find god
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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