Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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