what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I need a burrito and a hug.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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