Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
