my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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