i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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