Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
