Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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