there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
