I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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