I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize