Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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