My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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