I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
