I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
