Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
