3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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