I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
