Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
