matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
