oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
