so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
