My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
