currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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