I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When are your genitals available?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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