i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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