Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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