someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
