Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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