That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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