i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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