so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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