so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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