Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
