Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize