Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
