Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
