fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
