I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
