you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
