Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
