dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
