Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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