I didn't shave. On purpose
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
