guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize