this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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