I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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