you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have aggressive nipples.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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