please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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