Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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