i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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