Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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