you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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