Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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