If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
