so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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