Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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