So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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