Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's shark week go big or go home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
