Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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