Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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